an emotional roller coaster christmas

i think my title says it all.
 its the week of Xmas, it began from Sunday 19th of December.

it was a Sunday, when i had discovered something that shocked my soul but also my heart. it had a big impact in my heart. this discovery led into a heart break. it was difficult. and most especially i was hurt. hurt so bad that i almost cried. which i did not do. because, tears make me weak and i'm gonna prove to him that i'm strong. strong enough to continue the journey even without him.

it continued for the next day (20th of dec.)
but i had to be strong, i had to be. but keeping it a secret from your friends, is not that easy. i mean they are your friends, especially when they know, what was going on in your life. i told them, one my friends reaction was she was kinda sad, because she was this girl, who really wanted me and him to be together forever, but then there are endings. she was shocked and sad at the same time, she couldn't believe it. it was a very touchy scene when friends would help you in times when your down and feeling sad, there's always a shoulder to cry on. and girl friends to let your emotion out.

21st of dec. came.
it was fast. it was like it speed-ed up. it was only sunday back and now tuesday. time is fast, but it take some time to heal the wounds left in my heart. and this time, i was slowly recovering from that accident in my heart. but turn's out to be, it even worsens it. i got to see him again, in a meeting in our club. it was hard to see him there. real hard. seeing him again, it was like getting hurt again, it's like internal bleeding, it hurts in the inside but not really seen on the outside. i couldn't help to look at him and him too. but then i realize, maybe he's not really the guy for me, maybe i should just let him go.

22nd - 23rd of dec. approach.
2 days i hadn't seen him, and in that i talked to some of my friends. poured my emotion out. then i realize in one particular song, made me realize that i don't really need him, i could still continue this journey alone. i could. i learned to move on. and step by step to forget about him. making some slight changes. like not often thinking about him and us. and slowly, i'm standing up.

24th of dec. had passed.
it was again another meeting in the club, and as usual. i saw him again. but then, i had this different feeling, it was a feeling of being free. and now, for him, he's only a part of my history, my past. letting him go, wasn't easy but look at the reward it was nice and fulfilling. and in that time, i noticed, now it was him hows trying to get my attention. i was kinda irritated to him, because he was this guy who wants to get all the attention, making jokes. which for me aren't really that funny. he was so irritating.

25th of dec.
xmas. again, i said to myself, before xmas. my classmates would problem they would be so lonely this xmas, and i would usually say, that's only you, not me. but look at me now, it was the exact opposite. i became the lonesome, i had a heart break during xmas break and it wasn't easy. being hurt and letting go and start all over again. but then, a sudden hit.
i saw him again, while i was strolling around with my friends, i was this chit chatter, my mouth was on fire, non-stop of talking. then i realize i passed by him, he was also talking, when i had passed by, it was a sudden thing, i looked at my side and there he was. sitting and talking with his friends. and as i looked at him, he stopped. we were staring at each other's eyes, for a quiet a while. but it was long i think. it cut it. because i had to, 'coz as i have said, i was through with him. i was finished. but after that, my heart was pounding very fast. and i didn't know exactly why. but it just felt that way.

26th of dec. flew
once, again, i saw him. another gathering in our place and this time, he would still like seek my attention. looking at me once in a while, when our eyes would meet.

in this week of a hell of an emotional roller coaster, it had taught me many things.
to love, lo let go, to move on and to start all over again.
maybe that's how love and life is.

-there's still this little feeling i couldn't explain, but one thing i can say. i will truly miss him.