i think my title says it all.
its the week of Xmas, it began from Sunday 19th of December.
it was a Sunday, when i had discovered something that shocked my soul but also my heart. it had a big impact in my heart. this discovery led into a heart break. it was difficult. and most especially i was hurt. hurt so bad that i almost cried. which i did not do. because, tears make me weak and i'm gonna prove to him that i'm strong. strong enough to continue the journey even without him.
it continued for the next day (20th of dec.)
but i had to be strong, i had to be. but keeping it a secret from your friends, is not that easy. i mean they are your friends, especially when they know, what was going on in your life. i told them, one my friends reaction was she was kinda sad, because she was this girl, who really wanted me and him to be together forever, but then there are endings. she was shocked and sad at the same time, she couldn't believe it. it was a very touchy scene when friends would help you in times when your down and feeling sad, there's always a shoulder to cry on. and girl friends to let your emotion out.
21st of dec. came.
it was fast. it was like it speed-ed up. it was only sunday back and now tuesday. time is fast, but it take some time to heal the wounds left in my heart. and this time, i was slowly recovering from that accident in my heart. but turn's out to be, it even worsens it. i got to see him again, in a meeting in our club. it was hard to see him there. real hard. seeing him again, it was like getting hurt again, it's like internal bleeding, it hurts in the inside but not really seen on the outside. i couldn't help to look at him and him too. but then i realize, maybe he's not really the guy for me, maybe i should just let him go.
22nd - 23rd of dec. approach.
2 days i hadn't seen him, and in that i talked to some of my friends. poured my emotion out. then i realize in one particular song, made me realize that i don't really need him, i could still continue this journey alone. i could. i learned to move on. and step by step to forget about him. making some slight changes. like not often thinking about him and us. and slowly, i'm standing up.
24th of dec. had passed.
it was again another meeting in the club, and as usual. i saw him again. but then, i had this different feeling, it was a feeling of being free. and now, for him, he's only a part of my history, my past. letting him go, wasn't easy but look at the reward it was nice and fulfilling. and in that time, i noticed, now it was him hows trying to get my attention. i was kinda irritated to him, because he was this guy who wants to get all the attention, making jokes. which for me aren't really that funny. he was so irritating.
25th of dec.
xmas. again, i said to myself, before xmas. my classmates would problem they would be so lonely this xmas, and i would usually say, that's only you, not me. but look at me now, it was the exact opposite. i became the lonesome, i had a heart break during xmas break and it wasn't easy. being hurt and letting go and start all over again. but then, a sudden hit.
i saw him again, while i was strolling around with my friends, i was this chit chatter, my mouth was on fire, non-stop of talking. then i realize i passed by him, he was also talking, when i had passed by, it was a sudden thing, i looked at my side and there he was. sitting and talking with his friends. and as i looked at him, he stopped. we were staring at each other's eyes, for a quiet a while. but it was long i think. it cut it. because i had to, 'coz as i have said, i was through with him. i was finished. but after that, my heart was pounding very fast. and i didn't know exactly why. but it just felt that way.
26th of dec. flew
once, again, i saw him. another gathering in our place and this time, he would still like seek my attention. looking at me once in a while, when our eyes would meet.
in this week of a hell of an emotional roller coaster, it had taught me many things.
to love, lo let go, to move on and to start all over again.
maybe that's how love and life is.
-there's still this little feeling i couldn't explain, but one thing i can say. i will truly miss him.
22.12.10
getting over.
it's been days, that my heart was once broken, and twice this year. maybe love doesn't really fits in my life. but of all people why me. why should love take me for granted. why me. i think there is a reason behind it, maybe i need to learn my lesson, for the next time that i would try having another love thing, i would not make a mistake again for the third time.
but speaking about him. well, i'm over him, last time i saw him was at a meeting in our club, at first it was hard not to stare at him, or even smile at him 'coz somehow it still hurts. but then, when i would do that, somehow it feels good, not to talk to him or when your eyes would not meet. it felt, that your free. now, i think we have departed our own ways. my friends told me, that there is someone out there for me. much more than him, and i mean there are so many guys out there anyway. but at the back of my mind, i would really miss the times we would stare at each other because now, it would just be the past. a part of my history. but we have to move on, and change. because it's for the better. i'll try to move on, taking it step by step. though my xmas would be not what i expected it to be, at least now, i know what it is.
moving on.
my song for you. though the words are a bit hurtful, but it is true.
let's all just move on and just remember the good and fun times we shared together.
but speaking about him. well, i'm over him, last time i saw him was at a meeting in our club, at first it was hard not to stare at him, or even smile at him 'coz somehow it still hurts. but then, when i would do that, somehow it feels good, not to talk to him or when your eyes would not meet. it felt, that your free. now, i think we have departed our own ways. my friends told me, that there is someone out there for me. much more than him, and i mean there are so many guys out there anyway. but at the back of my mind, i would really miss the times we would stare at each other because now, it would just be the past. a part of my history. but we have to move on, and change. because it's for the better. i'll try to move on, taking it step by step. though my xmas would be not what i expected it to be, at least now, i know what it is.
moving on.
my song for you. though the words are a bit hurtful, but it is true.
let's all just move on and just remember the good and fun times we shared together.
21.12.10
broke my heart again.
At first akala ko, I was only dreaming. That the feeling wasn't true and I could just wake up from this horrible nightmare. But then hindi pala. It was true and it was happening right before my two eyes. Why do I need to know, about these things, I know in myself, that someday I have to face this kind of truth that someday I might discover.It was the night of 19th of December in the year 2010. It was cold night, and I was going to the plaza, because there was an event and it was huge. There were many people and it jam-packed! In my mind, I was looking for a person, particularly that person was special, special to me and my heart. I kept on looking for him, then suddenly.
He was with a girl, apparently that girl for me was maybe his girlfriend, yes! his girlfriend. I was in shock, I try not to look back, but I did. Because maybe I was only dreaming or I call it, hallucinating. But I was wrong, it was happening right before my eyes. I looked at his face, he was very happy. THEY were very happy, looking at each other's eyes and holding each other's hands. They were sweet, but my feelings turned into SOUR. I looked how he said goodbye, I was so hurt that I looked away. But I thought, he would go, I was wrong. I was purely WRONG.
He was apparently looking at me, looking at him. He was like shocked when our eyes met, it was like he discovered something. I saw his face, it was in shocked mode.He was in total surprise. We like starred at each other for quiet a while. And for me, I ended that starring contest.
After a while, I saw him again. I was too in total shocked of what I had seen. I was slowly thinking and keeping myself from crying. And keeping my tears to fell. And in a quick blink, he was walking towards me. And he sat down beside me. If that happening didn't happened, I should have enjoyed him sitting by my side, but it was total opposite. I felt, uncomfortable. Unease and Hurt. I can't even look at him. But I tried too, then I notice he was looking at me. I was feeling it. I try to read his body language, but I can't.
He was moving like uncomfortable too. Like he was having a big problem in his life. I don't really know why, he was acting that way. Moments later, he was gone. And night became history.
A history, a happening that hurt my heart and let me shed into tears, once more in this year.
*POOF*
My wish of him being there, was heard. I was super happy and has that kiligness in me, but as I look back again to see him, I saw a surprise. A surprise that was never meant for me to see.He was with a girl, apparently that girl for me was maybe his girlfriend, yes! his girlfriend. I was in shock, I try not to look back, but I did. Because maybe I was only dreaming or I call it, hallucinating. But I was wrong, it was happening right before my eyes. I looked at his face, he was very happy. THEY were very happy, looking at each other's eyes and holding each other's hands. They were sweet, but my feelings turned into SOUR. I looked how he said goodbye, I was so hurt that I looked away. But I thought, he would go, I was wrong. I was purely WRONG.
He was apparently looking at me, looking at him. He was like shocked when our eyes met, it was like he discovered something. I saw his face, it was in shocked mode.He was in total surprise. We like starred at each other for quiet a while. And for me, I ended that starring contest.
After a while, I saw him again. I was too in total shocked of what I had seen. I was slowly thinking and keeping myself from crying. And keeping my tears to fell. And in a quick blink, he was walking towards me. And he sat down beside me. If that happening didn't happened, I should have enjoyed him sitting by my side, but it was total opposite. I felt, uncomfortable. Unease and Hurt. I can't even look at him. But I tried too, then I notice he was looking at me. I was feeling it. I try to read his body language, but I can't.
He was moving like uncomfortable too. Like he was having a big problem in his life. I don't really know why, he was acting that way. Moments later, he was gone. And night became history.
A history, a happening that hurt my heart and let me shed into tears, once more in this year.
11.12.10
J U N I O R S xx P L A T I N U M (xmas 2010)
the J U N I O R S batch held a Xmas Party last Thursday (9.12.10) in our school, it was a morning activity and in the afternoon was the per section Xmas Party. At first, it was kinda fun, having those Xmas presentation per section and ours was unlikely not really that prepared but it was F U N :)
I go. We really didn't have a proper program or something, but all in all I had fun too, though it was kinda not really that nice in all, but it sure made me tired. we even had a mini party-party! it was fun, dancing all out, and like's nobody is watching. it was super fun.
we of, course had our usual E X C H A N G E gifts, it was nice. we even had to teased some of our classmates, it was super enjoy to the M A X! , while me i got a really cute bunny stuff toy! it was sooo C U T E, though it wasn't really that big enough for me to hug it, but it was still adorable. the party had ended, and we bid our goodbyes but it wasn't the last time, we would see each other, well, maybe for some of us.
the day was still amazing, even though we were expecting a worse Xmas Party for our section turn out to be a nice one. i hope next year, it will be better and bigger :)
we had these very W E I R D games that made some my batch mates laugh out L O U D!!
as the program ended, we preceded to our own Xmas Party by section and to my section P L A T I N U M, I go. We really didn't have a proper program or something, but all in all I had fun too, though it was kinda not really that nice in all, but it sure made me tired. we even had a mini party-party! it was fun, dancing all out, and like's nobody is watching. it was super fun.
we of, course had our usual E X C H A N G E gifts, it was nice. we even had to teased some of our classmates, it was super enjoy to the M A X! , while me i got a really cute bunny stuff toy! it was sooo C U T E, though it wasn't really that big enough for me to hug it, but it was still adorable. the party had ended, and we bid our goodbyes but it wasn't the last time, we would see each other, well, maybe for some of us.
the day was still amazing, even though we were expecting a worse Xmas Party for our section turn out to be a nice one. i hope next year, it will be better and bigger :)
10.12.10
T.L na ba ako, sa kanya?
i'm not really that sure, if this feeling i have for someone new, is the real one. and if he feel s it too. i don't wanna make the same mistakes again. but these feelings are for another guy. i mean, the thing i had on the past was just forgotten and just flew away and faded like memories. i mean, past is past right? and now present is even much more heavier.
let me start from the beginning of this story.. the part in which i met a new person that change me.
i met him, well apparently got his name during the Intramural Event of the School, by the month of august.
i'd known his name there, because he was playing for the volleyball team for the J U N I O R S !
i did notice him, his killer spikes and best attacking moves, made me idolize him, but i think now, it's more than that! ♥♥
his name is DJ. the name i now, put at my id :)
it was a while, that i hadn't seen him since then, then it was the SK election occurred at late November. there i had seen him once again, our eyes met, for the first time, i was feeling this butterflies were on my tummy, i couldn't really explain this feelings but it was good and nice :)..
during the FCDSA meet, i had seen him again, he wasn't a player, but rather a supporter. when we saw each other, our eyes again met, but it was only for a while. But the feeling was still there, even though it has been weeks that I hadn't seen him. the feeling of missing him, was in my mind and soul, I couldn't resist but to stare at him, but that is like much more like a weirdo!?..
okay, anyways..
another more weeks had passed, since that I hadn't seen him, until the day of 28 of November.
the SK officials of our barangay, of course including me had our Victory Party in a local beach resort here in our town. One of my co-kagawads was his barakda, and I was really expecting him to be there, but it was in the back of my mind ONLY! And in instant, my wish had come true, I saw him, approaching to our cottage, I really couldn't believe what I was seeing, did he read my mind? or my heart? :)
My co-kagawad, was looking at me like he was going to do something.. And well, he did. He was the reason why me and DJ had met. And I owe him big time.
He called me and said, DJ wanted to talk to me, afraid and so modest of me, I didn't approach, simply I was thinking way to advance or something..
So I didn't believe him. Another one, had happened. While I was playing beach volley, the ball went to their side of the cottage, I didn't mind DJ, I took the ball, without noticing that his barakdas were their, they teased him to me and me to him. HAY!!
And the fun didn't stop there, the day was about to end, and he did what he did, we talked but only for a little while. He was so silly and "MAKULIT!" like a little child and OMG, we had a group picture, I still keep his picture and I even made it a wallpaper in my phone :)
The day had end, and it was the most AWESOMEst day of my life! the weekends ended with a smile in my face and in my heart ♥
Monday, came, and one my classmate approach me. She was the current girlfriend of co-kagawad, she told that guy that i was crushing with his barkada, for me it was super okay, because it was the reason why we even spoke to each other, I was to HAPPY to be mad.
Wednesday had came, and it was unbelievable! It began with a text, saying he wanted to know me more, I mean to really know me more. I was sooo like flying in the clouds above, it was like my heart was having this feeling of LOVE! I almost cried for joy, and I don't even know why.
Nightfall, came and I saw him, he was staring at me eyes soo deep. That it like melted my heart away, we didn't speak to each other yet, I was afraid to make the first move also.
The next few days, were amazing he was going to school, and that made me kilig to the bones :)
One time, he was all dressed up, but we didn't talk to each other, but my question is why was he soo dressed up?, he was only in school? btw, he looked very handsome and cute! Damn! I did made the right decision.
Up until now, the feeling is still here in my heart. I couldn't really explain what these feelings are but they are sure making me happy everyday :)
And this XMAS I'm hoping that this friendship or something would be nice, not the other one, 'coz I've move on and now, I have found SOMEONE NEW :)
let me start from the beginning of this story.. the part in which i met a new person that change me.
i met him, well apparently got his name during the Intramural Event of the School, by the month of august.
i'd known his name there, because he was playing for the volleyball team for the J U N I O R S !
i did notice him, his killer spikes and best attacking moves, made me idolize him, but i think now, it's more than that! ♥♥
his name is DJ. the name i now, put at my id :)
it was a while, that i hadn't seen him since then, then it was the SK election occurred at late November. there i had seen him once again, our eyes met, for the first time, i was feeling this butterflies were on my tummy, i couldn't really explain this feelings but it was good and nice :)..
during the FCDSA meet, i had seen him again, he wasn't a player, but rather a supporter. when we saw each other, our eyes again met, but it was only for a while. But the feeling was still there, even though it has been weeks that I hadn't seen him. the feeling of missing him, was in my mind and soul, I couldn't resist but to stare at him, but that is like much more like a weirdo!?..
okay, anyways..
another more weeks had passed, since that I hadn't seen him, until the day of 28 of November.
the SK officials of our barangay, of course including me had our Victory Party in a local beach resort here in our town. One of my co-kagawads was his barakda, and I was really expecting him to be there, but it was in the back of my mind ONLY! And in instant, my wish had come true, I saw him, approaching to our cottage, I really couldn't believe what I was seeing, did he read my mind? or my heart? :)
My co-kagawad, was looking at me like he was going to do something.. And well, he did. He was the reason why me and DJ had met. And I owe him big time.
He called me and said, DJ wanted to talk to me, afraid and so modest of me, I didn't approach, simply I was thinking way to advance or something..
So I didn't believe him. Another one, had happened. While I was playing beach volley, the ball went to their side of the cottage, I didn't mind DJ, I took the ball, without noticing that his barakdas were their, they teased him to me and me to him. HAY!!
And the fun didn't stop there, the day was about to end, and he did what he did, we talked but only for a little while. He was so silly and "MAKULIT!" like a little child and OMG, we had a group picture, I still keep his picture and I even made it a wallpaper in my phone :)
The day had end, and it was the most AWESOMEst day of my life! the weekends ended with a smile in my face and in my heart ♥
Monday, came, and one my classmate approach me. She was the current girlfriend of co-kagawad, she told that guy that i was crushing with his barkada, for me it was super okay, because it was the reason why we even spoke to each other, I was to HAPPY to be mad.
Wednesday had came, and it was unbelievable! It began with a text, saying he wanted to know me more, I mean to really know me more. I was sooo like flying in the clouds above, it was like my heart was having this feeling of LOVE! I almost cried for joy, and I don't even know why.
Nightfall, came and I saw him, he was staring at me eyes soo deep. That it like melted my heart away, we didn't speak to each other yet, I was afraid to make the first move also.
The next few days, were amazing he was going to school, and that made me kilig to the bones :)
One time, he was all dressed up, but we didn't talk to each other, but my question is why was he soo dressed up?, he was only in school? btw, he looked very handsome and cute! Damn! I did made the right decision.
Up until now, the feeling is still here in my heart. I couldn't really explain what these feelings are but they are sure making me happy everyday :)
And this XMAS I'm hoping that this friendship or something would be nice, not the other one, 'coz I've move on and now, I have found SOMEONE NEW :)
Reminiscing our time together
it was a hot Saturday afternoon.
me and my service buddies// friends// barkada met up to bond again, because I already transferred they wanted to see me, I want to see them to. 'Cuz I'd really missed them..
First me and 3 of my friends (ame, rodjie, and joyce)
went to the house of our other friend (chamie). Well, we waited for her pa, (ang bagal niya hah). hehehehehe..
So, after we waited for her, we went to the nearby pizza parlor to buy some PIZZA while watching a mOVIE.. (nice!)
me and my service buddies// friends// barkada met up to bond again, because I already transferred they wanted to see me, I want to see them to. 'Cuz I'd really missed them..
First me and 3 of my friends (ame, rodjie, and joyce)
went to the house of our other friend (chamie). Well, we waited for her pa, (ang bagal niya hah). hehehehehe..
So, after we waited for her, we went to the nearby pizza parlor to buy some PIZZA while watching a mOVIE.. (nice!)
and during the ride way home, we rode in a truck which was owned by Joyce.
and I just notice that the 3 of us were wearing Yellow, it was the color of the day :D..
as we arrived in Ame's House (which was nice)... and the dogs are soooo cute!
we planned to watch Paranormal Activity 2 with pizzas and chocolates, not your nice combination, but it was yummy. Especially, when your'e watching a scary movie like Paranormal Activity.
after watching the movie, we went to Joyce's house, and I just notice that my one of my slipper is broken. It was bitten, by a puppy, oh! well, I really didn't get mad and all that.
After, going to that house, me and the group went DIKE, like a Manila Bay, here in our town, it was windy and was about to rain, but glad it didn't :)
Evening came, and it was time to say goodbye, I really had fun and enjoyed the whole day with them, because I had sacrifice, watching the Men's Volleyball team play their championship game just to see these guys, that's how much I love my FRIENDS. :)
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